never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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