I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
