but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
