I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
