Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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