I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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