So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
