my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
