We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
