Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
