I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
