I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
