no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
