My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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