I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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