Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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