I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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