these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
