Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
