Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
