It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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