Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
