dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
