Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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