i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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