Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
