She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
