hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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