So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
