Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
