I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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