What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
