Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
