yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it penis luge time yet?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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