If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
