one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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