Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
