I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
