Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
