So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
