I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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