Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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