I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
