Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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