We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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