Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
