True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
