how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
