aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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