yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
