I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
