Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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