tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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