I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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