she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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