Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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