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I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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